- 18 januari: You are made in My image. So it's not that 10% of you came out wrong, it's that I'm 10% gay.
25 januari: What would Jesus do? Raise the dead and walk on water. Good luck with that, peeps.
15 februari: I'm sending meteors to you because you're literally in My space.
15 februari, lite senare: Real nice planet you got there, humanity. Sure would be a shame if something were to happen to it. [Pause.] So, see you in church Sunday?
19 februari: I made you in My image. That's why men have nipples. Now, why do I have nipples? No frigging idea.
20 februari: I will always be there for you when you need Me due to something horrible I've done to you.
21 februari: Although I created the Universe and have unlimited power over all things, it is very important to My self-esteem to be praised frequently.
22 februari: I created the entire universe in six days because I have infinite power. Then I rested on the seventh day because I was tired.
4 mars:There will be peace in the Holy Land the instant it's no longer thought of as the Holy Land.
9 mars: Next time you're tempted to masturbate, remember that I'm watching you, and also masturbating.
11 mars: The new Pope may be black or white, but his worldview is sure to be both.
13 mars: "New Pope Called Gay Marriage 'Destructive Attack on God's Plan.'" Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss.
Me: Knock knock.
You: Who's there?
You: God who?
Me: And that's why you're going to hell.
2) Någon kanske undrar varför Gud twittrar på engelska. Jag vet inte (hans vägar äro som bekant outgrundliga), men jag kommer att tänka på ett välkänt argument mot skolundervisning i utländska språk i det amerikanska bibelbältet: "If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, it ought to be good enough for the children of Texas."